So many questions.
As I’ve evolved, the questions never end- it’s only their direction that seems to change. At the end of 2025, I set out a direction that I had wanted to write in. I planned out the next month of writing. Everything was set to go in my mind, and then… as I started writing, I realised something key was missing. It took the next two months to begin understanding and finding the words to articulate how my thought train had changed. In July, after committing my life to the Lord, I knew I had landed on the right continent. The two months that I spent reading and just spending time with the Lord started leading me to the right province. I’m not yet sure what the city looks like, but the journey has been beautiful.
As we know, I haven’t struggled with the reality of God. I just never really understood the bridge, which, in a very simple explanation, is Christianity, and also Jesus. The bridge is how to connect as the person that I am, here, on this earth, and in this life, with God. Following that, the question is: how do I, in my daily life, build a Christian relationship with God? How does He become my Father?. To try and make sense of these things, I’ve started delving into archives (not really, it just sounds more dramatic). I’ve read a fair bit. I’ve listened to some podcasts.
I had not realised that after undergoing such a deep and dramatic change for three months, the next two months would hold a similarly dramatic transformation. It would just be a very deep work. The change would be mostly to my soul and my heart, and then it would bleed into the way I think and the way it would come across in my actions, through peacefulness. A quiet calmness. A sort of comfort in telling those around me how much I love Jesus, and if I could, I would have everyone meet Him. It would be like sharing about the best ice-cream flavour that I’ve had. It’s life-changing.
I didn’t realise the journey was about finding the essence of it all first, and that process is a journey of its own kind. It’s how I would come to discover the foundation of it all.
At first, I was very confused. Is the foundation of Christianity not just reading your Bible, praying, and living the right way? What does living the Christian way look like, though? Is it black and white? Are you strict, or are you not? Is religion wrong, but progressive is wrong? Kindness vs. tolerance? In theory, a lot of it made sense. That’s the thing, though, about theory vs practical experience. The theory is always the guide, but it will only start to make sense once you put it into practice.
That becomes even more confusing because suddenly the actions are not really natural; they’re not coming to you without thinking. Quite the contrary, you’re thinking very hard about what to say and how to say it. How to act.
Prior to my reading more on how to build a relationship with Jesus, I had been reading the Bible plenty. I had not yet started the deep theological dive into the Greek and Hebrew meanings behind all the translations and texts, but I did start reading more about historical context. I knew that I had to pray. I didn’t really understand what prayer was, though.
I knew that it consisted of a dialogue, and that God wants to hear our requests and concerns, and that He would answer prayer in various ways. Some of those would be through scripture, but I was like, how do I know if I’m hearing right, what does that sound like, and is it only requests, and it felt a bit robotic to say the least. It didn’t quite feel like a relationship-building exercise.
At the end of my journey, I can say I’ve learned how to pray and spend time with God. I’ve watched it change my heart and the way in which I approach life. It’s become my lifeline at the start of every day, where before it wasn’t quite the life-giving exercise it’s become. So the first thing that changed was how I was spending time with God.
It’s something called contemplative prayer. I feel that it means the most to me early in the morning. I am an early morning person, though. So I’ll roll out of bed, make a cup of coffee, and sit on the floor in my lounge or next to my bed. That’s how I find it easier to clear my head. If I’m struggling to focus, I’ll prayerfully read a psalm.
So I’ll do one or two psalms while asking the Holy Spirit to highlight some words, or to guide my thoughts to what the Lord wants to say to me on that day. Following that, I’ll sit. I’ll try to clear my mind of any distractions and focus on the Lord’s love for me.
The realisation that the God who created the universe by speaking. The God who created a man from dust. Our God who grieves at the thought of us not loving Him. He sent His Son to die on a cross (the worst death in the history of mankind). This God, who wants to save us from His wrath, which comes upon us because of our sin. This God. The God. Loves us so much. He wants a personal relationship with me, and with you. He wants to know us, as a friend and as a father knows his son or daughter. Could you imagine the Greek gods being painted in that picture? Or the Hindu gods? Or Allah? No!
I’ve digressed. The conclusion to that is: I can’t even fathom that. I don’t know where to begin to make sense of that depth of love. I’m not even capable of thinking of love in that way, and yet I am loved like that. So I sit, and try to clear my mind and focus on God, on Jesus, and that love. Sometimes I sit there, and it is the most peaceful time in my whole day. Sometimes, my mind is busy, and I have all these distractions and worries. We’re human; our minds are complicated circuits of electricity.
When my thoughts race, I try not give it a second thought and bring my focus back on God. I started with five minutes. I now try to do 30 minutes. 30 minutes of just sitting with my Lord. And it’s become so beautiful. After that, I’ll read some bible and see what pops into my mind. If something stands out. I still struggle with quieting my mind enough to sense the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
It has become slightly easier through practice. It will take many more years for it to become easier; it might always be a slight struggle, because I will always be human while in this life, and I’ll always have a part of me that will want to stray away from the Lord, and I’ll always have the devil trying to tempt me away from the Lord as well. That is the biggest part of our daily fight.
This is how I’ve changed the most, just spending time with the Lord. I bring everything to the table. I tell Him about my struggles and my temptations. I tell Him about the things I’m frustrated and sometimes angry about. When someone has annoyed me, I ask Him to please deal with His child. I ask Him to help me become more loving, more peaceful, more patient. I give Him all my worries. I make my requests known to Him.
Sometimes I don’t have anything to say, so the rest of my quiet time is spent sitting with Him after I’ve read more scripture. I always start with the quiet of just sitting, before anything, and what follows will be the interactive dialogue.
The two pastors who have helped me the most are John Mark Comer and Mark Driscoll. John Mark Comer has a book called Practicing the Way, which has also been made into a podcast/sermon series that can be watched/listened to. My change in practices and the way in which I approach spending time with the Lord is largely based on the guidance in the book Practicing the Way. I’m nowhere near figuring it out completely, but things are making a lot more sense.
Last note: I’ve mentioned the Holy Spirit quite a bit and how He might speak to me and guide me. So just a quick non-academic explanation. In the Christian way, we have the Triune God. God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Spirit. After Jesus rose from the dead, He said there would be a mediator who would come and live inside of us. This mediator would take the place of the priests in the old temple, whom the Jews at the time would approach to speak to God. So the essence is, through the death and blood of Christ, we receive the Holy Spirit into our beings, and through Him we can speak to God, and He to us directly. Through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, we can have a relationship with God. We receive the Holy Spirit when we accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour and Lord.
Until next time.
May our God cover you with His peace and Love.